2020 Long Trail Thru-hike

Mar

2021

October 8, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 18 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 18 : Part 1 : 10/8/20 . What a hell of a day! We had big plans and ended up with way fewer miles than expected. The morning started by waking up in the cabin full of strangers. Dave and I were on the top bunk/platform/shelf, whatever you’d like to call it. I was doing my best to quietly get out my pot and stove to make breakfast when the pot slipped out of my hands and loudly fell to the ground. I was officially the person I hate in communal living spaces. The early start didn’t matter because soon enough our new friends were awake and we are enjoying the company of other hikers once again. . It’s surprising how easy it is to lose your flow of routine when the rules are slightly changed. In our tent, I’m efficient, I know where my things are and just how long I needed to go through my various tasks. All bets were off in the shelter and we got a much later start than intended. We finally said our goodbyes and headed into the Devil’s Gulch followed by a climb up Belvidere. . The climb skirts the summit of Belvidere but we decided to take the blue blaze trail to check out the view from the fire tower. In good conditions, fire towers are scary to me. Something about how they sway in the wind and have super steep stairs unnerves me. Today, this one, was also encrusted with ice. I made it up the first set of stairs then told Dave I was coming down as I had zero intentions of sliding to my death on a Vermont fire tower. My plan was to deter him from going up as well. It didn’t work. He was going to go up with or without me. I hate being left out of a good view so I swallowed my fear and went for it. . I breathed steadily and took slow focused movements up each stair while tightly gripping the ice covered railing with my gloved hands like my life depended on it, because it did! I emerged on the top and had a beautiful view of the frosty landscape. Sometimes I just need a little push out of my comfort zone. After the fire tower adventure we were feeling confident and set our sights on finishing the next day, a day early. What could go wrong, we asked ourselves?

Mar

2021

October 5, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 15 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 15 : Part 1 : 10/5/20 . Today was a day full of surprises. I assumed the hike would be much like the day before. Steep, rocky, slabby, slow. There were rough moments but overall the terrain was much faster and it was a very welcomed surprise. We busted up and over Bolton hoping to get in some decent miles before starting up Vermont’s high point, Mount Mansfield. . We took a quick break at a shelter that was perched on the edge of the mountainside with a gorgeous view of our next challenge. Mansfield looked so far in the distance it was hard to fathom we’d be standing on the top of Vermont that afternoon. . After a quick descent we were on our way up. I was pleasantly surprised that the climb wa easier than expected. Soon enough we were entering “the forehead”. Now, supposedly, from a distance, Mount Mansfield looks like the profile of a face lying down. Hence, we were now on “the forehead”. Many hikers find this area a bit harrowing or spooky at the very least. But, the rock was solid and I was in a great mood so I was really enjoying the challenge. There were good scrambles with big holds, ladders, and best of all, dry rock! . We finished the crux of the area and spent the next several miles gawking at the beauty of the mountains around us. The sun, the clouds, hills, leaves, and lakes, all came together to make one heck of a canvas! . The last stretch to the top we found the day hikers and started picking them off one by one until we were on the top of VT! We’d plan to stay at the lodge only a 1/2 mile off the summit but we’d made such good time we decided to press on. We bounded down the mountain as fast as possible to see how far we could get. We pulled up 2.5 miles short of the next shelter and found a sufficient (only by thru hiker standards) stealth spot a little of the trail. What a heck of a day it had been. I need to bottle up these days and moments to remind myself just how strong I am and how incredibly proud I should be of what I’m capable of!

Mar

2021

October 4, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 14 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 14 : Part 1 : 10/4/20 . We woke up early knowing it would be a tough day and we needed to cover some decent miles. We started hiking at 7:20 am and I was wholly unprepared for how “exciting” the day would be. . The first 2 miles consisted of a 2 hour scramble to the summit of Camel’s Hump. The scramble was actually fun and the views were spectacular! The best of the trip so far. My goal was to embrace the slow speed and enjoy the trail and sights around me. That was easy enough until the descent. . It was tedious and long and started to get real old real fast. I was doing my best to see things as a fun adult jungle gym instead of a ridiculous trail. My forced positive attitude ran out well before the end of the descent. After 4 hours we had only gone 5.4 miles and my hopes of making it to the shelter 17 miles away we’re starting to feel a little far fetched. . Here’s the thing. I knew this trail was going to be slow and hard but watching the miles go by SO slowly is incredibly frustrating. Since thru hiking each day sort of feels like a work day, imagine it’s like going in for an 8 hour day and realizing at lunch you’re going to need to put in a 12 hour day instead. It’s all about managing expectations but this time my hopes didn’t match up with my reality. . Thankfully the end of the day cut us a few breaks and an afternoon coffee gifted me with extra energy. We gained some time back on a 3 miles road walk then we found ourselves pleasantly surprised by the steep but smooth terrain of the following 5 miles. Making our way quickly and easily through the last miles of the day, we arrived at our destination with an hour of daylight remaining! 16.9 miles were behind us and I was dang proud of what I’d accomplished. I went from defeated unmet expectations to wholly exceeding my expectations within a matter of hours. My hiking abilities never changed but my perspective did. Choose the perspective that serves you well each day. That’s real easy to say but much harder to practice.

Mar

2021

October 2, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 12 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 12 : Part 1 : 10/2/20 . The sunlight was just starting to peek into our room affectionately named “The Log Cabin”. But it was wet, dreary, and rain was falling. The thought of heading back to trail took all the joy out of a cozy moment. Tucked under a mountain of blankets, we discussed staying one more night to relax and let the rain pass. Making the decision in bed while watching it rain really wasn’t a fair fight. Within seconds, it was decided, we would take a zero day! . I was instantly giddy as Dave quietly popped downstairs to retrieve a tray with French press coffee. Sitting in bed drinking good coffee out of a mug might be what hiker dreams are made of. A little later we made our way downstairs where we were served more coffee, blueberry muffins, strawberry and yogurt parfaits, frittata, home fries, and homemade salsa. I can’t even. I was tempted to move into this place and had zero regret about staying an additional night. . The remainder of the day was spent relaxing. Think feet up, reading books, watching TV on our phone, and even creeping downstairs to watch the rain from a cozy chair in the living area. As the rain cleared, the sun started to peek out of the clouds and light up the drops of water falling from the colorful leaves. The foliage glistened in all the best ways. I found myself in a moment of overwhelming contentment. . It’s easy for me to feel guilty about a zero day or spending money on what I feel is lavish extras. But, every time I look back and remember a thru hike it’s these moments that stick out, that give the hike depth and substance. They usually mark the end of a difficult time. Whether bad weather, weary minds, or injured bodies, these places are where I find respite, healing, kindness, and the will to push on. So in case you need to hear this, don’t you dare feel guilty about rest. It’s necessary and good. I’d say it’s a prerequisite to finishing well.

Mar

2021

September 30, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 10 - Part 3

The Long Trail : Day 10 : Part 3 : 9/30/20 . After the long, eventful journey to the privy and back there was zero chance my soggy self was getting back in the tent. Instead, I grabbed my things, rallied Dave, and took all my gear to the empty shelter. Here we could spread out, eat, watch it rain and stay mostly dry. . For the next 3 hours we enjoyed coffee, hot breakfast, tea and more snacks. Our plan was the wait out the rain and start hiking once the rain stopped to keep ourselves and our gear mostly dry. By early afternoon we were ready to hike. This is a very late start for us but it was a welcomed way to spend a nasty day. . We spent the next several miles battling a trail turned stream. Water issues and dry sources were no longer a concern. I didn’t even check any upcoming water sources as we were walking in a constant supply. Other than soaked feet the day went by fairly uneventfully. We walked, talked, looked for the ever elusive cell phone service, and climbed up and down precarious, wet rocks. . A little before dark we found our home for the evening. We fed ourselves creamy mac n’ cheese and drifted off to sleep dreaming of town food, showers, and clean clothes that would be ours (hopefully) the following day. It had been a very unusual day, one of little routine and frustrating elements. But at the end of it I was full in all the best ways. It had been just what I needed to slow down, hike less and enjoy watching the rain with a shelter roof over my head.

Feb

2021

September 30, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 10 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 10 : Part 1 : 9/30/20 . I spent the night tossing and turning as I listened to the torrential rain batter the tent. This was our first real storm in the Gossamer Gear Two and I wasn’t sure how it would weather the storm. For starters, we were on a slope, which meant if I was laying on my back gravity would slowly and uncomfortably pull me down. That meant I would risk getting the foot box of my quilt wet due to the condensation built up on the inner wall of our single walled tent. . Instead I would lay on my right side until my right arm and shoulder hurt then flip to my left side in a fetal position until my hips couldn’t take it anymore AND THEN on my back with my knees up so my planted feet could stop the pull of gravity. Toss, toss, turn. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Try to get some sleep between acrobatic movements. . The morning did come and the restless night ended but the rain did not. I waited as long as I could but the need to pee and take care of other business forced me out into the downpour. I suited up for my trip to the privy only to find my rain jacket’s right sleeve was totally soaked as was my left shoe that had somehow fallen sideways into a puddle during the night. . The rest of this story is ridiculous and will be posted later today in its own post. If you like poop stories and dilapidated privies you’re going to want to keep a close eye out for the next one. If that’s not you’re thing, feel free to skip the next post. Those of you who are childish enough to love my toilet story, you’re my people. Well, you’re all my people but I hold a special place in my heart for adults who appreciate a good poop story.

Feb

2021

September 29, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 9 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 9 : Part 1 : 9/29/20 . You know it’s a rough start to the day when your first thought is “I don’t want to be here”. A little melodramatic but it felt true at the time. The rain had stopped but I knew it was temporary. The pending doom and the dread associated with more rain was almost worse than just simply walking in it. In true “mood follows action” spirit” I willed myself to deflate my pad and sat up to face the day. . Hot tea and instant jalapeño grits lifted my spirits just enough to take on the terrible deed of leaving my warm, dry sleeping clothes and putting on my wet and crusty hiking dress. Dave’s socks smelled so bad it burned my eyes in the tiny confines of our tent. Note to self: 9 days without a shower in the damp, humid Eastern US may be a couple days too many. . From the moment I opened my eyes I was looking for a way to avoid hiking and camping in the rain. Just over 4 miles down trail was a road that could whisk us away from our soggy problems and deliver us to a quaint B&B. As the clouds grew thick and gray and the wind turned the colorful leaves into ominous confetti I started dreaming of hot coffee. It wouldn’t be served in silicon bowl with remnants of grits. Oh no, I was dreaming of that perfect mug, the one that feels good in your hand. And maybe a fireplace. And a blanket. And a good book. Walls made of more substance than a thin layer of water resistant material sounded nice too! Clearly, I was in a great mental space. . After detailing the luxuries that could be ours, Dave was on board. Soon we were scheming and hunting for LTE on the ridge line to solidify our plans. It seemed our dream of a dry evening with non-inflatable pillows would cost around $200. It was a steep price to pay for a little comfort. We considered 3 or 4 ideas and decided to take a mid-morning break at Lake Pleiad, before the road, to mull over our options. . We found a cozy spot on the edge of the lake, took off our shoes, made a cold coffee, and stared at the dancing water lined by trees boldly wearing the most vibrant hues of red, orange, and yellow. It was stunning and peaceful, a perfect place to have a snack and think. You know how the saying goes “don’t miss the forest for the trees”? I think, the opposite can be true sometimes too. Don’t miss the trees for the forest. I was learning that very lesson as I sipped cold coffee by the lake with my back propped up on a log. Sometimes it’s the close up moments, the individual days, that are worth our attention.

Feb

2021

September 28, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 8 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 8 : Part 1 : 9/28/20 . It was a mind over matter kind of a day. I hate going from perfectly dry to soaking down to your underwear wet when backpacking. Today was going to be one of those days. Dread filled my mind as I packed my bag extra carefully to keep everything inside dry. . It was slow at first, mostly spitting light rain. I was damp but not dripping wet. Even still my mood was sorely lacking. Trying my best to reason with myself, I remembered that I couldn’t change that it was raining but that I could change my outlook on my circumstances. I started trying to convince myself of the beauty around me and the positive outcomes of my situation. . I felt disgusting since my last shower was over a week ago so this rain was a gift. A free shower and laundry combo! I continued by thinking the classic it could be worse. At least it wasn’t blowing snow and I didn’t have diarrhea. Fair enough. The rain also made the air nice and cool. I was really trying but none of my mental tricks could fix my sour mood. . Plan B: I needed a minute out of the rain. This isn’t always an option but today it was. The elaborate shelter system on the LT provides primitive shelter and today I was going to take full advantage of it! Soon we made it. This particular shelter was dingy but it was a roof over my head in an otherwise unrelenting rain. . Watching the rain while eating lunch proved to be far better than standing in it! I had a Veranda blend Starbucks via and a piece of dark chocolate to round out my lunch. Within minutes I felt like a new person. I was laughing, joking, and ready to skip down the trail. The rain even let up slightly and we cruised along. The moral of this story is that happiness is clearly found in coffee and chocolate. That seems accurate, right?!?

Feb

2021

September 27, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 7 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 7 : Part 1 : 9/27/20 . It was a short mileage day but a good day, one that ran the full gamut of emotions. We were able to wake up slow knowing we had just under two miles to the road and The Inn at The Long Trail. In short order we were at our first “town” stop of the trip and it felt good to view our progress. . We made it to our box, restaurant food awaited, and a place to charge our electronics was readily available. It was all I needed to recharge my mental batteries as well. While waiting on the restaurant to open, we unloaded and repacked our resupply for the next section and called our friends and family. Then I quietly sat in the grass, staring up at the sky and trees with my head resting on my pack. Did I look like a vagrant sitting in the grass at the Inn, totally unwashed? Maybe, probably. But in that very moment I didn’t care, I simply felt relaxed. . Relaxed isn’t the norm for me in town. Usually I feel a little on edge when we arrive at any establishment. Will they welcome hikers? Will they let us recharge our things? Is there a special, out of the way, place they want “us” to be? It feels a little like navigating a new school or new job with each new place. . The rules change at each establishment and you feel a little indebted to these perfect strangers. They hold our packages, let us loiter, and sometimes even offer us rides or food. The only way to attempted and even the scales is to patron their businesses. Sometimes you can and sometimes you can’t, it just depends on the circumstances. . Maybe it’s not about balancing the scales. Because, to be honest, hikers just can’t. The kindnesses we experience are a gift not a barter system. I’m learning to enjoy them as such regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me feel. . You may not agree with my beliefs and that’s fine but I always do my best to be my whole, real self for y’all in this space. And I would be skipping over a huge part of my life if I didn’t talk about how these kindnesses give me a tangible picture of the grace of God. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve the gift of saving grace but God gave it to me anyway. He loved me in my ugliest state and made a way, through his son, Jesus, for me to have abundant eternal life. That is certainly over simplified but I’m thankful thru hiking puts me in vulnerable situations that allow me to see and even feel the weight of God’s kindness, even in the simplest of way.

Feb

2021

September 26, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 6 -Part 2

The Long Trail : Day 6 : Part 2 : 9/26/20 . The miles came fairly easy after the bear sighting. After a break or two at pristine mountain streams we were on our way up Killington Peak. . We hiked up the .2 mile side trail, or blue blaze as it is affectionately known on the AT, to the top of the Peak. We’d skipped this blue blaze on the AT because .2 is way too far to walk unless it’s a direct route to a hamburger. And I don’t regret skipping it back in 2016 because that .2 is STEEP! Like hand over foot, leaning your body weight forward kind of steep! At the top was access to water, trash cans, sinks and flushable toilets so it made it worth the arduous trip. . Our time up top was short lived because their were massive amounts of people and I was uncomfortable. It was for sure the largest group I had been around since Covid started. We left in a hurry, dodging people on our way. I was undoubtedly frustrated by the cavalier attitude of so many people gathered together. I tried to remind myself we’re all doing the best we can. . But for some reason I couldn’t get the frustrated thoughts out of my mind. I’m not responsible to bear the torch for every person on every issues! Why is that so hard for me to believe? Why can’t I just relax a little bit? This is one reason I find the woods so soothing, it’s peaceful, calm and simple. The problems I “need” to fix are far from my mind and I can simply enjoy being in the present moment. . Modern life is hard and full of complex issues. Can I get an “Amen”? But I am not the savior of the world, we can all collectively be thankful for that. The sooner I truly embrace that the better. I believe their is a savior, Jesus. He is loving, kind, understanding, gracious, merciful, and justice driven. He is the best listener and a soft place to land for the broken, marginalized, overlooked, and beat up. I know this is true because He’s been that for me. My version of savior comes with a lot more judgment, rage and cynicism. We all know we don’t need any more of that! . I worked to let go of my frustration on our way to camp. We tucked our giant @gossamergear Two into a tiny space. I’ll admit, I’ve been a little skeptical of this tent but it’s growing on me day by day thanks to its adaptable spirit in a less than ideal spot! It was time to sleep off the day, all the highs and lows, and look forward to a fresh day on the horizon.

Feb

2021

September 25, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 5 - Part 2

The Long Trail : Day 5 : Part 2 : 9/25/20 . We left the rock garden and pressed on. The next of our many breaks for the day was at a beautiful stream. I ate a pop tart the only way I know how as a thru hiker. One tiny broken piece at a time and then I tipped back the powdery remains like a shot. Shortly after my pop tart snack a SOBO AT hiker stopped and talked with us for a few minutes. As he prepared to continue south he called us “legit”. . It’s funny to hear descriptors like that of myself. They make me feel exposed and uncomfortable. Even after 6000 + miles of thru hiking I still feel like an imposter. If I’m quiet enough and sit in the back just maybe the rest of the “real” thru hikers will let me stay. Will I ever feel like I’m “legit”? If I’m honest, sometimes I do, but usually only in the safety of my own mind. Saying it to someone else feels too risky, like they’ll find out I’m a fraud. I need to know more, do more, hike faster, hike further before I’ll reach this elusive status of thru hiker I’m aiming for. . Just maybe, I need to find confidence and respect for the hiker and human I am today. To find space to appreciate the experiences I’ve had and quit labeling them as “inadequate”. To be grateful and proud of the challenges I’ve overcome and truly believe my trials can be an avenue to help and support others. This lack of belief in myself hurts the whole community. How can I believe in and support you if I can’t do it for myself first? . I managed more thoughts like these as my strong legs powered me up one final climb for the day. Before long, we found home, a flat(ish) stretch of dirt near the shelter. The evening was warm, dinner was filling and my only concern was avoiding the acorns falling from the treetops like missiles.

Feb

2021

September 25, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 5 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 5 : Part 1 : 9/25/20 . I woke up grumpy. The alarm went off and all I wanted to do was anything other than hike. But one of the twisted joys of thru hiking is that you get up and do it anyway. You’ve probably heard the phrase “mood follows action”. It’s true. . My first action was to deflate my NeoAire and my spirits deflated with it. My comfy cocoon was gone and it was time to get on with it and do what we came to do - walk. My first steps out of the tent were wobbly. Each movement pinpointed the searing, sharp pain around my blisters. My right heel reminded me it hadn’t been “normal” since 4 years before on this very trail. I reminded myself, yet again, mood follows action and carried on with an uneven gait. . My feet started to loosen up right alongside my attitude. Before long I was marveling at mushrooms, toothpaste fungus, and the diversity of mosses around us. If you’re unfamiliar with toothpaste fungus go ahead and Google it, it’s awesome and you’re welcome. . Before long we were taking in the marvelous views of the Little Rock Pond and gawking at the display of vibrant red, yellow, and orange hues flanking the pond. It was jaw dropping and the perfect scene for lunch. . The second half of the day brought many breaks and slow moments to enjoy. My personal favorite was sitting in a piney rock garden- think stacked rocks at the top of a hill. I laid on my pack, leg stretched out before me and looked up. The clouds in the blue skies inched by as the pines slowly swayed and danced above me. It was calming to watch the rhythmic movement. I needed more moments like this. They were worth their weight in life giving potential. How dare I ever think of them as a waste of time! . Remember, I woke up grumpy but I hiked on anyway. What are you avoiding today that needs to be done? Maybe consider that mood follows action and do the thing anyways! It might make all the difference.

Feb

2021

September 24, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 4 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 4 : Part 1 : 9/24/20 . Much of the day was uneventful and went as expected. The terrain was a bit gentler and we found an easy, rhythmic pace. For this, my aching body was grateful. Although the trail was mild the temperature was unusually warm for late September which meant sweaty ascents and long awaited breezy descents. . Bromley Peak was the heavily visited destination on today’s agenda. The trail winds its way through the forest and tops out at a ski resort lift with breathtaking 360 degree views. I took in the rolling hills from my perch, proud of my body’s ability to climb. With arms outstretched and eyes closed, I welcomed the cool air as the breeze found its way over the summit. I rewarded myself with a Reese’s Take 5 bar and started the descent. . I had to eat quick because the trail downhill required all my attention with rough, steep and rocky terrain. It doesn’t seem like it would be but the physical and mental toll of watching every footfall and measuring each step is exhausting! As much as I love being on trail, it’s moments like these that quickly remind me why the Appalachian Trail was a one and done for me. The physicality of the trail is incredibly hard on the body and in turn, the mind. Yet we continued to battle downhill and eventually back up again. . We rounded the metaphorical bend and found ourselves at a pristine Griffith Lake. We found a perfect campsite, shed our shoes and had dinner watching the sunset behind the lake. The soft hum of bugs and the call of a Kingfisher filled the air. In that moment, life felt peaceful, beautiful and incredibly simple. I would be willing to bet we were the two luckiest people alive. The colorful trees mirrored on the lake, the breezy autumn air and perfect stillness gave way to relaxed mind. This is what I came for, this moment and more just like it.

Feb

2021

September 23, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 3 - Part 2

The Long Trail : Day 3 : Part 2 : 9/23/20 . Exhausted and breathless, I raced up and down the fire tower atop Stratton Mountain. I barely paused to take in the significance of the very place I stood. This piece of Earth was where Benton MacKaye stood and first had the idea for the Appalachian Trail. But I couldn’t be bothered to let the weight of his decision and its impact on my life slow me down. Instead I snapped a few obligatory photos, stumbled down the rocky terrain around Stratton Pond and found myself on the other side of the corridor of day hikers. . Finally, after 20.9 miles we found camp, my adrenaline waned and the exhaustion hit like a brick wall. Blisters throbbed with stinging pain on the outside of both my heels, my right shoulder was tender and sore to the touch, and my feet had a heartbeat all their own. We ate dinner with glazed over looks as our bodies begged for rest. The highlight of my evening was adding oven baked cheese to my couscous! It’s the small things that bring joy on trail. . As I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, balance is hard for me. Balancing rest and challenge, balancing enjoying my surroundings and pushing for a goal, balancing pushing through pain and giving myself permission to stop. Everyday we make delicate choices that live in the gray area. And each day we get a new opportunity to find healthy balance and learn what that looks likes for each of us. On this particular day on trail, I failed. But failure is still valuable and a wise teacher and certainly not something to hide from or feel ashamed about. I would get another chance tomorrow to find balance and I get another chance today in my present life. And the good news is, so do you! Again, be gracious with yourself today, we’re all doing the best we can.

Feb

2021

September 23, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 3 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 3 : Part 1 : 9/23/20 . I woke up to the alarm with a jolt. Today we needed to make more miles to get to our resupply box on time. The goal of this particular hike was supposed to be taking things slow and relaxing. However, I’m the queen of unnecessary expectations and once again I let them rule the day. Push harder, push longer, get the miles done. My internal mantra gave me a case of tunnel vision that cost me my joy. . I tried to focus on my surroundings. The wind blowing through trees making a sweet melody with the dancing leaves or the vibrant colors of the fall foliage bordering a beaver bog. I failed. Instead, all I could focus on was miles. How many had we done? How much daylight was left? How many more could we squeeze in before dark? . All the way up Stratton Mountain I pushed my body. Just a few more miles, a few more steps. So focused on time and miles, I stopped briefly to inhale trail mix and choked. I fought to regain my breath while coughing loud and feeling tears creep out of the corners of my eyes involuntarily. I needed to slow down. It was as if red flags were waving and bright red lights were flashing. I would like to tell you I paid attention to the warning signs. If I did I would be lying. Even the breathless coughing couldn’t ease my pace. . Why do I share this not so glamorous part of the story? Because I think it matters that you see my struggle. My constant battle with achievement, my drive to be better and faster and stronger. And also my battle of the mind that tells me I’ll never be enough. For me, in these moments, my recentering is always grace. Grace for myself, the kind I need in giant heaps and piles. And when I learn to give myself grace I’m better at giving it to those around me. I’ve learned grace from Jesus, who freely gave it to me when I deserved it least. . Friends, give yourself an extra measure of grace today. It’s not selfish. It’s one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and those around you! Also remember everyone else around you is doing the best they can with what they know. Let’s be gentle with each other. I’ll go first.

Feb

2021

September 22, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 2 - Part 2

The Long Trail : Day 2 : Part 2 : 9/22/20 . The steep climb started and it was seared into my memory from 4 years before. It’s funny the pieces of trail I vividly remember and those I don’t. I forgot an entire fire tower but remembered this climb from the AT in 2016. The memorable moments always seem to be the tough ones. I’m sure there’s lots of hidden wisdom in that statement but all I remember of the climb was struggle. In 2016, it was the end of the day, my body was exhausted, my legs were doing that thing where they suddenly feel filled with lead, and I wanted so badly to quit right in the middle of the trail. . That was 2016. This time was different. This time I breathed slowly paying attention to the slow inhale and exhale and matched my steps to the rhythm. I let my body lead me and before I knew it the hard part was over. The steep pitch gave way to a gentler grade and my pace quickened. . The last 4 years gave me the gift of confidence as well as plenty of practice. Seeing my effort pay off in a moment of comparison was wildly encouraging. The hard moments become so much easier to handle with a bank of confidence to draw from. Isn’t this true of any challenge in life? We gain perspective and confidence from walking through the fire. From facing the thing that makes your heart flutter and your stomach turn to knots. We may come out on the other side a little beat up and bedraggled but the beauty is we keep pressing on. . Friends, if this season or this day or week or month feels a little like walking through fire, I see you. I see you and I believe in you. And if you need a person to join you I’ll happily sit in your corner. I’m a pretty good listener and I’d love to pray for you. DM me on IG, email me, send me smoke signals or just yell really loud. Let’s support each other. Life is hard but we can face the challenges together.

Feb

2021

September 22, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 2 - Part 1

The Long Trail : Day 2 : Part 1 : 9/22/20 . I woke up struggling to believe we were finally on the Long Trail. Dave was still asleep so I did some writing and enjoyed a peaceful morning with no concrete objective. The plan for this hike was to go slow and savor the moments, so that was exactly my plan. Once Dave awoke, the luxuries of a camp stove gifted us with hot breakfast and a creamy and delicious Oregon Chai. We normally don’t thru hike with a stove so this felt like real high class living! . I settled into the day and found the calm rhythm of my footfalls while taking in the sounds, smells and feelings of the forest around me. The plant life in the northeast is rich and I didn’t want to miss it making miles. Thick, almost neon green, moss cover rocks and tree bark, clear water mysteriously seeps out from under rocks and dirt, and somehow those same strange piles of rock form together to create a footpath that led us forward. It’s just as idyllic as it sounds. At least for a moment until your body reminds you what you’re doing is difficult and painful and just plain hard. . The weight of my pack was bearing down on my shoulders. Silently I regretted all the “extras” in my pack as I felt a hot burning pinch between my shoulder blades. I used my muscles to pull my shoulders away from each other while simultaneously lifting my pack straps for just a moment of sweet relief. It was short lived but worth it. My discomfort only grew as we descended to the road that leads to Bennington, VT. . It was steep and rocky. Rocky feels like a gross understatement. Instead, picture only rocks, big, sharp, oddly shaped ones, all at an uncomfortably vertical pitch. The kind that eat ankles for breakfast and spit out busted knees. My body has many miles under its belt so I took the descent super slow and careful, almost painfully slow. I could see the highway, my destination, for at least an hour as we crawled down at a snail’s pace. I breathed a sigh of relief when we finally reached the bottom. A quick break for lunch and coffee was the boost I needed to now ascend equally steep terrain. It’s not often I look forward to a difficult incline but at this particular moment it was a welcomed reprieve for my knees!

Feb

2021

September 21, 2020 - Long Trail - Day 1 - Part 2

The Long Trail : Day 1 : Part 2 : 9/21/20 . After the much needed deep exhale at the water source we were back to finding our hiking groove. A couple of miles and a bit of steep, rocky terrain landed us face to face with a familiar friend. We were staring at the Vermont state line where the Long Trail sign welcomed and beckoned us forward. . I wish I could tell you I was overcome with tears or joy or some other equally appropriate emotion. I wasn’t. My emotional bank was running on overdraft protection. I was simply ready to hike, to put miles behind me and start the long awaited journey. After a few obligatory photos we did just that. Putting one foot in front of the other, watching the mental mileage counter decrease slowly tenths of a mile at a time. . We walked and surprised ourselves with how our bodies responded to day 1. Instead of finding an early camp, we pushed on. Meeting a few hikers and getting a chance to encourage an AT flip flopper made my day. A renewing was taking place. The sweet burn in my calves and glutes, the cool breeze prickling on my skin, and colorful leaves at a power line clearing were making me feel alive again. In my element, I felt strong, in charge and confident. For me, this is where life makes the most sense and I feel the most in tune with my thoughts and emotions. . Waning daylight brought out the headlamps and we pushed on to our camp for night 1. We made camp feeling a gratefulness even the resident mouse couldn’t steal. We set up camp and watched the beady eyed critter run back and forth while we ate dinner. Impossibly cute, I knew all too well he was destructive. Spending extra time securing our food, Jack Jack (as I’d named him) would have to be real clever to get to our stuff! The chilly air was perfect inside of my cozy warm quilt and sleep came quickly and easily. One day in the books gave me just enough hope to believe we had a shot at this Long Trail thing!

Feb

2021

September 18, 2020 - Part 2

Still 3 days before the Long Trail... . We were minutes from boarding the plane that would take us to the Long Trail. I can’t say I felt particularly excited or even relieved. Focusing on doing the next thing was my simple task, scared that if I whispered my hopes too loudly or dared to feel excited it would all fall apart. Now, I know this all sounds incredibly melodramatic but it’s the real truth of the feelings I was managing, better yet avoiding, at the time. . Hiking in 2020 had felt a little like encountering a scared animal. If you made any sudden movements or looked it in the eye it would quickly disappear to never be seen again. I was fragile and a little wounded too. A postponed CDT hike followed by a cancelled CDT hike had left me anticipating disappointment rather than adventure. . Nothing would be straightforward and the obstacles were numerous, at least in my mind. We were juggling individual state Covid regulations, required testing, closed shelters and businesses, forms to fill out and boxes to check verifying you’d done what you were supposed to do. Did I mention the regulations were also incredibly ambiguous? They were. For this rule following, Type A woman and her husband, that was about enough to send us packing. But the pull of the trail and the need for beautiful spaces, crisp mornings and the quiet of nature drew us onward. Somehow, both hesitantly and confidently, we courageously boarded the plane, took our seats and began to put miles between us and the humid, sticky air of Charleston, SC.

Jan

2021

September 18, 2020 - Part 1

3 days before the Long Trail... . I truly didn’t think I would be here. The possibility of hiking pushed out of my mind before hope could find purchase and take hold. Then suddenly we were less than a week from our departure and I started to poke and steal glances at the hope I dared not mingle with. At this point I knew better. 2020 had been and would continue to be the year of changed plans and deferred dreams. No matter how hard I tried to find the positive spin of plan, not B, but more like X, Y, or Z, it still came with a heavy dose of grieving what could no longer be. . Would this time be different? It was hard to say. But Tuesday came and it was Covid test day. Wednesday was work and waiting and Thursday gave me a gift I wasn’t sure I was brave enough to carry. Our tests were negative! Hurdle one was complete but rather than feeling joy I had a gnawing pain in my stomach. . Sometimes in life, when you can’t find the bravery to confront your fears, your people will help lead you there. The excitement of my co-workers, for me, was infectious. Their smiles, their encouragement, and the extra helping of pizza started to turn my fear of loss into hope. We were less than 24 hours from when our flight would leave Charleston and my defenses had been destroyed by the kindness of my people. My heart was exploding with hope for better or worse. I was now laid bare to the potential of disappointment, pain, and hurt. The flip side of that vulnerability is the precious gift of being open to incredible joy. Sitting in the airport, my knees bounced with nervous energy but I was ready for what was to come.

About This Hike

lnbailey89

Long Trail

Total Distance— mi

Total Days—

Journal Entries0

Avg Distance/Day— mi

Longest Day— mi

Waypoints0