Smaller miles, bigger elevation. Today was all about views. We climbed and dropped and climbed some more, which certainly took a toll on my heels. I’ll likely be transitioning to more cushioned footwear in Idyllwild.

I ran out of audiobooks and podcasts so today I spent most of my time faced with my emotions and uninterrupted personal monologue. The difference between my expectations of what I would think about on trail and what I actually think about are astounding.

Expectation: I thought I would mentally address all of my challenges, personal philosophies, mindfulness, appreciate the beauty of nature, discovery who I am and what I really want. I thought I would be productive every minute of the trail.

Reality: spent hours identifying who was ahead of me by their footprints, thought about the pain I was in and which part of my body was feeling it most, thought about how hot it was, listened intently for rattlesnakes, tried to get a random song out of my head by singing it out loud and changing the lyrics to a “trail” version.

The biggest change to how I live in the moment on trail is around my emotions. On the trail there is no way to distract or numb difficult feelings; I feel everything, deeply, and spend time sorting through why certain feelings are coming up. Often when I’m down, it’s because my body needs food, water, or rest, and I’m learning to listen to these emotional cues that I would often ignore or numb when I was at home. This way of life is certainly healthier for my soul!