Another zero day! First double zero!

This will be a tough one so stick with me. Woke up again around 5:20 and doomed scrolled to make sure, my brain was rotted to start my day. After having a nutritious breakfast of two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal I got a call. I’m trying to be very candid and honest on here so you guys see all my emotions and what I’m going through. That includes all the horrendous cursing, stupid shit I say, and also again emotionally. I got a call from hunter and we ended breaking up on his terms. I will admit I knew it was coming. I don’t care if he reads this as this is my thing and I want to journal like nobody is reading it despite my entire family reading it. I was very forthcoming about this relationship about how I truly believe I put 1000% into the relationship and loved like I have never loved before. I learned so much about myself including that I can truly love someone wholeheartedly without questions or second guessing. I learned what I want in someone for my next relationship (not anytime fucking soon) from what our relationship was lacking or thriving in. I can say with my entire chest that I do not regret anything including the fighting for and knowing when to let go. While I am hurting, I wouldn’t want this to happen to me anywhere else. If I was in salt lake, having the same college life and seeing all the places with all the memories, I would have a lot of trouble coping. I am currently living one of my dreams, hiking from Mexico to Canada on the PCT. I am challenging my body to push past the limits I thought I couldn’t overcome. I am making friends from all over the world and proving to my self that anxiety can’t hold me back. I am exactly where I need to be and surrounded by the people I need to be surrounded by. These are some of the most amazing and heartfelt (despite the brotherly bullying) guys I have ever been around. I am content with the decision as I had been going through the motions 6 months ago when the issue arised. I am happy to have experienced something so great but I am also grateful for what I am experiencing now as it will change my life forever and give me clarity where I need clarity. Which it already has. After we had the conversation, I called Emma, camille and my mom and let them know what happened. I let trey, and Emily know as well. Everyone was so supportive as I would expect them to be as again, they are my rocks. I wouldn’t be who I am today without each and everyone of them. They have supported me throughout all my good and bad eras and that’s all I can ask from someone. I tried to gather myself to go into the house and into the shared room with Marc but the minute I saw him I broke down. Again, I am grieving but I am content and understanding of the situation. He was so sweet stating how he doesn’t know how to react in these situations but it turns out he does. He got up and gave me a hug and expressed how sorry he was. Exactly how I would want someone to react. The guys then all went to the grocery store as I stayed home to continue to rot. When they came back, Caleb and Ben put 2-in-2 together and bought me chopped salad, and a big box of wine. Marc had got me ice cream. The sweet touch of men. I was able to confess what happened to Caleb and the bard and again, they were super supportive. It felt nice to talk it out with someone in person and hear what they had to say. They reassured me in what happened and comforted me. Truly phenomenal men. Never made me feel bad for crying or trying to spit out what happened, they did chirp me like 3 hours later but it felt normal and that’s what I needed. Then after all that, I decided to uber to the grocery store as we are in suburban hell. I spent way too much money aka the xalifornia proces are insane especially in a smaller town but I was like fuck it what else do I gotta lose today so I bought name brand items and 6 days worth of food despite only needed 4 nights. The cashier was super nice and put in a discount code but it was still absurd. After I finished resupply, we then watched puss in boots before gourmet got to the Airbnb. We caught up with him and I could spread the good word of gossip. After the movie we rotted on YouTube TV, drinking wine. Three glasses deep and I was tipsy. We then made family dinner of pesto Alfredo pasta with Caleb’s moms famous broccoli which was delicious! I finished my chores of washing my clothes for tomorrow. I also forgot to mention I bought new shoes. Trying to figure out if my hip issue is a shoe issue and my shoes were getting a lil tight so I bought a half size up. I got the ultra venture topo shoes as they were super popular last year on the pct. I ordered them around 7:30am and got them by 6:30pm which was truly terrifying that I can do that on Amazon prime but it was super helpful bc there was no other options. Now the guys are going to grab whiskey and we are boozing once again tonight. While it was a hard day, it was still a good day.

We boozed all night playing games including fingers or whatever it’s called, we are not strangers, never have I ever (lol), and some other getting to know you games. Truly a great night of just boozing, and shooting the shit as the guys say. Ready to hike tomorrow I think but it’s been so fun to take a zero.