Tentsite (587.5) - Tentsite (609.2) | Mileage: 21.7

I wake up and it’s around 6:00 and I know we are supposed to get moving but I am comfy and Maddie’s still sleeping and I just want to snuggle her. But also yesterday we got out late and it made the day all rushy and sad so we probably should go soon. I hate feeling conflicted like this every morning and feeling like the bad guy that has to get us moving. But someone has to do it so after another 15 minutes of laying there pretending like I don’t have to go anywhere I wake Maddie up and say buddy I think we’re supposed to go. But she does not want to wake up and I consider reminding her that it’s my birthday so she should move along so that I’m happy. But also I want her to remember that fact on her own so I don’t say anything. So I cajole her awake and wait for her to remember but she doesn’t and then I say something unrelated and somehow that prompts her and she remembers.

And she’s all cute and instead of waking up we somehow start talking about aging. And time going by. And somehow that brings us back to our Tehachapi conversation and our conversation yesterday about emotions dulling over time and forgetting essential memories and feelings and then somehow I start crying (which I have definitely never done because of my birthday before so that was a new experience). And then somehow Maddie is crying too even though neither of us is really sad at all, just feeling really strong emotions about time passing and the fact that we are on the PCT right now and feeling unique feelings about our current life and expectations for the future that we will definitely not remember or will definitely feel way duller in a year or two.

And of course these emotions all take a while and suddenly it’s now 8:30 and we are obviously not getting out early again. So we pack up in a big rush and start hiking super fast and it’s already hot and it’s all uphill and I am dripping in sweat. And I’m unreasonably grumpy and frustrated because I wanted to have a leisurely day where we did a ton of miles and it felt easy. But instead I feel like we are late for something even though in reality we don’t have anywhere to be and we could go extra tomorrow if we went short today. It’s hard to break ingrained habits of creating arbitrary goals and feeling the need to overachieve and such I guess. But probably I’d be happier if we practiced this.

So we go for a while and Maddie falls behind me because she is having great productive thoughts and journaling while walking apparently hmpf, my mind is blank and meh. And that makes me feel sad and lonely even though that’s rather silly so I feel teary and fragile and then I hit some shade and I stop and Maddie catches up and she tells me we should sit and have a snack and do emotional recovering and I don’t want to because I want to go go go but she insists and is definitely right. And I sit and eat and feel a bit better and I want her to give me a hug but I’m too hot and sweaty and feel gross already and that would make me feel worse so I only get a partial hug which is only kind of enough to make me feel a bit better.

And then we are off again and Maddie tells me to listen to a podcast because it’s a good distraction and I’m being obstinate and don’t want to but once again she is right and I feel better once I start listening.

And then all the sudden I think I hear someone shouting something behind me and I turn and look and some guy is gingerly holding a plastic bag and asking if we dropped something. And I’m like uhh idk I don’t think so and I ask what it is and he awkwardly is like uhh I think it’s a dirty TP bag and I’m like oops probably yes. And I run back to grab it and it’s all inflated and somehow air got into it and I think popped it out of my outside backpack pocket. And I carry it back to Maddie so she can stuff it into my pack. And this nice man offers to stuff it in but I feel bad that he is touching our dirty TP bag so I tell him no worries.

And then we carry on up more steep climbs and I think this might be the hardest day on the PCT so far because it’s steep and hot and also there are these tiny flies that like to swarm our faces especially where the trail randomly walks on dirt roads for a bit and they get in your nose and your mouth and your ears and your eyes and it is absolutely disgusting.

And hours go by and I am soaking wet and we are still going uphill and I check FarOut to see when we might be done with this endless climb and thank god it’s soon so we walk a bit more and then sit in the shade to have lunch. And we eat an apple and peanut butter and oatmeal. And it’s so nice to sit and cool off and we sit for way longer than we mean to and a ton of people pass us. And then we hear Maddie and Katie? And we look up and it’s Flow! And she introduces us to her boyfriend who is hiking with her for a few days and she tells us Boone is just ahead and she tells us that they thought we were a fever dream because we never saw each other after Baden Powell so they wondered if we were real or if they just invented us which is silly but also how we kinda felt about them so fair I guess. And we wonder how Boone is just ahead because that means he must’ve passed us at some point but we didn’t see him hm.

So we sit a bit longer and then we have to walk again because we have lots of miles left.

And then in the middle of this nowhere-land a huge billboard just pops up from out of the ground and is of course advertising “God’s Ten Commandments” so of course we have to stop and do a photo shoot because who put this nowhere near civilization and is it just for the PCT hikers? There seem to be a lot of people trying to help us PCTers find God, like a lot of the trail angels and trail magic people. And they are very sweet but it does sometimes give their trail magic the semblance of an ulterior motive.

And then we go and go and go and Maddie is going her fast afternoon pace and I drag behind and there’s no service so I can’t see any birthday texts or anything and it’s kind of sad and I feel lonely still. And hours go by and finally we get to the water source Maddie told me we could stop and have another snack at. But it’s 100 yards off the trail (which is a tiny amount let me tell you) and we have one bottle left and she’s like eh this is probably enough to get to the next water source in 3 miles.

All I want to do is sit down and be done but I am also in that tired grumpy state where I just want to get it done and over with and we have 6 miles to our site so 2 hours so I’m like ok let’s just go. And somehow 100 yards to the water just seems so far and do I really even want to add more weight? No. So I agree and we continue the dreary trudge up yet another hill and I continue to sulk in self pity and I turn up my music. Notably this is how I feel every day around afternoon heat and Maddie speeding but for some reason because it’s my birthday I expected it to feel lovely and fresh and easy. And I am at the end of my rope when we crest the hill and start to cross a dirt road and see a few people standing around a white jeep.

No way.

I pull my headphones out of my ears and follow Maddie over to the car and NO FUCKING WAY, I immediately spy the most unexpected and awesome surprise, one, the best trail magic snacks I’ve seen so far i.e. clementines, grapes, cheese sticks, cheez-it’s, candy and OJ. And two, I’m looking at the two women who brought the trail magic and alright alright I shouldn’t jump to immediate judgments and get my hopes up but these ones do not look like Jehovah’s Witnesses and in fact my first thought was lesbians and I have excellent gaydar (just ask our friends LOL). Out of all the things to dramatically change my mood and make me immediately peppy and giddy. Yeah, this will do it. What a stellar birthday. Actually so incredibly great.

So we walk up and start chatting with them and introduce ourselves. And we find out they are Emma and Cecile from Dallas!! And they came all the way out here to do trail magic and also they bought property around here and Cecile did the beginning of the PCT a couple years back but had to stop and now they do trail magic every year which is so incredibly nice.

And they ask if we are doing the hike together and I say yes and pointedly mention that we are dating to elicit a response from them and confirm if they are also queer. But they totally don’t pick up on that at all and I’m like huhhh maybe I am wrong???? And we chat some more and they ask us if we are documenting our hike and we tell them we have insta and a journal and they ask for the handle and Maddie tells them. And they ask how to spell dykes and now I’m like shoot I was definitely wrong about them if they don’t know the word dyke, and that’s so sad. But then as soon as Maddie starts spelling it they’re like ahh yes, ohhh with that handle we feel like we can share that we are also together and have been for 28 years. And I am like yess!! This is awesome! And then we chat some more and learn how they met.

But then two Italian men roll up and interrupt our lovely conversation and that is our cue to go because unfortunately we do still have 6 miles and it’s getting late.

But now I am rejuvenated and happy because that was quite possibly the most unexpected, most exciting trail magic rest break we have had so far because they are super cool and their trail magic snacks were the best yet and their location was also the best because I really needed a pick-me-up and who would expect trail magic on a seemingly out-of-use dirt road miles from civilization at the top of a tough climb. Absolutely amazing. Except that apparently we look so normy that we have to provide several identifying facts before it is clear that we are queer lol. But anyway I am now buoyant from that stop and my birthday has been quite the day after all and the next couple miles zoom by.

And then we are at our tent site and there is no one there? So we accidentally actually walk by it a bit and realize it’s 0.1 back but I just expected there to be tents because there always are and it’s weird that it’s empty. And we look at FarOut and there is a real campground with drive in access and amenities like a vault toilet just ahead so probably I guess that’s where all the people went and why there is no one here?

And it’s kinda scary to camp alone because we haven’t done that on the trail yet even though it is obviously perfectly safe, it’s easy to make up silly scary things lurking out in the woods. But I don’t want to walk anymore and I shouldn’t be scared of camping alone and it’s a cool new PCT experience so let’s go for it. So we unpack fast and it’s already getting dark and thus cold so we eat in our tent and we have sun chips with a spoon out of a ziploc and trail mix the same way and finally our cold-soak dinner is ready so we eat that and snuggle for warmth and slowly fall asleep.