Unmarked Tentsite (514.8) - Cottonwood Creek Unmarked Tentsite (534.9) | Mileage: 20.1 + 0.6 (Detour to Hiker Town)

So apparently we’ve been on the trail for an entire month now? Tbh didn’t realize this until the real world people thought it was hilarious to ask us what day of the week it was because obviously time doesn’t generally matter when you do the same exact thing every day (but I’ll get to these real world people shortly). Some mixed feelings on this because it both feels like a very long and very short amount of time and that is really confusing.

Anyway we slept in today (but on purpose for once), because we were getting to Hiker Town in 2ish miles and the plan was to spend most of the day there because apparently that is what everyone does and thus if everyone does it, so should we, right? Which of course was the start of SEVERAL misconceptions about Hiker Town and the section of the trail directly after it.

We roll out of our site in the sandy wash, surrounded by scraggle bushes around 8:00 and it’s already that sort of mid afternoon dense heavy hot weather. I’m not totally sure how far it is to Hiker Town, maybe like 1.7 or 1.9 which is a beautifully small number and I think it’s all downhill. But the slidey sand and the tiny rocks in my shoes and the hot sun making me sweat and soak the back of my shirt and the fact that we’re out of bars makes me mildly grumpy especially because we are going up some hills (admittedly small, but I was picturing an effortless zero exertion glide into Hiker Town). So I look through the FarOut comments and fantasize about the food we are going to eat soon.

The FarOut comments are pretty negative on Hiker Town, like this shouldn’t even be considered a stop, ship yourself food rather than relying on resupply here, etc. But they mention a hostel and two grocery/cafes, which is about as much as was mentioned for Agua Dulce, so I picture Agua Dulce 2.0 i.e. a cute-ish tiny strip of a Main Street with a few food places to be excited about. Plus there’s supposed to be some big trail magic event with food so I’m picturing like little fold up tables with extra food and free stuff.

WRONG. SO EGREGIOUSLY INCORRECT ITS NOT EVEN DEPRESSING BUT RELATIVELY FUNNY.

We emerge from the sandy, shrubby foothills and hit a huge long valley with more sand, chain link fences, rusted metal bits and trash and a horse, and weedy wildflowers, and walk along the fence in the straightest line path we’ve seen on the PCT. Feels like we are trespassing on private property which I think we are except it’s allowed because we’re on the PCT and apparently that gives you special privilege access to all kinds of private properties that usually (and sometimes still) have scary DANGER NO TRESPASSING you’ll be arrested or shot or whatever type signs.

There’s a fastish road with semis zooming by up ahead and very clearly no town, just more weedy fields. Hm.

We arrive at said road. Across the road there’s a handwritten sign that says Hiker Town with an arrow pointing to the right, and there, immediately to the right, is a collection of buildings that looks like it was on the set of some old western movie or possibly more likely a Scooby Doo episode that could’ve been called like Scare Fest in the Wild West. Ringed by a chain link fence, the shipping container buildings have surprisingly less-run-down-than-expected facades that are themed, like Sheriff’s Office, Old Saloon, Town Hall, Jailhouse, etc (these are in fact the hostel rooms). They’re roughly arranged around a central weedy grassy area with a couple tables and chairs.

Clashing aggressively with the Wild West vibe is a bunch of white and red awnings and banners everywhere aggressively advertising Arrowhead water who is apparently the corporate sponsor of the trail magic occurring today. It’s really a surreal place to walk into that makes me want to walk right out. But instead we tentatively head to the garage at the back where there seems to be food but we are informed that breakfast just ended (since when is trail magic on a schedule, ugh corporateness) but they still have coffee so I grab a styrofoam cup (yikes styrofoam) and flip the tab to the coffee jug, at which point a man with a ginormous camera materializes and starts filming me. Who is this person and why am I being filmed and why pouring coffee of all things and is this how famous people feel when every mundane thing they do gets put on camera like it’s the most engaging thing in the world. Hiker Town which is not a town just got even weirder.

So I bemusedly confusedly walk back to the table where Sweet Pea and Maddie are sitting and immediately we get accosted by some definitely-not-a-hiker-man. Think L.A. production crew x surfer x maybe gay and this is the guy. Despite his shockingly vague answer to our question of what is going on, “we just wanted to provide some cool trail magic for you guys and Arrowhead hit us up with some money” we manage to elucidate a tiny bit of additional detail which does not make things make any more sense. Aka the random men interviewing and filming hikers work for a surfer lifestyle company that Arrowhead is sponsoring to give hikers free food and drinks and interview them for their social media channel so they can branch out to more audiences (because surfing and thru-hiking have sooooo much overlap, for sure). Anyway then he leaves after asking to interview us later, and immediately the next guy shows up with neon yellow circle sunglasses and a flat brim and an aggressive handshake (of course I think ahh noro even though that is clearly illogical and then I think lol my hands are so grimy sucks for him) and a zillion inane questions about trail life. Wow. Finally he goes away and I sit down and pray no one else will accost me and eat our cold soaked oats because Hiker Town is not a town and there is no food until corporate-provided lunch scheduled for noon.

Then the gay film surfer dudes pull out a scale for a guess your pack’s weight contest, but silly silly them, everyone is obviously way more interested in their own personal weight after a month+ on the trail. And Maddie and I both lost five pounds which is bad because maybe some of it is arm muscle which is soooo sad, but also maybe a little is tummy because now I have abs for real for real like Maddie and maybe look a bit like a bodybuilder WILD. And this of course leads us to the classic tangent where I go around showing off my arms to everyone and being like ohmygosh look at how big my arms are and maybe I scare Sin Nombre a bit LOL but all is good and I’m very excited even though it’s rather hard to show off one’s arms in a long sleeve hmph but I still manage of course.

The next 20 miles of the PCT when we leave Hiker Town is apparently a road walk in? on? not really sure what to picture? an aqueduct which is super flat but apparently has no water and shade which is why most people spend the day in Hiker Town and night hike the section. But it’s windy and not so horribly hot and Hiker Town is not a town and Sweet Pea wants to do 23 more miles so we can do 18 miles tomorrow and get into Tehachapi early afternoon because his girlfriend of three weeks from the brewery (which is notably less time than we have been on the trail together and he wants to propose after this and she’s bi but probably gay) is visiting and we are down because it’s been a week and we need to shower and we also are excited to be in town and we don’t have two dinners worth of food left so we decide we will leave Hiker Town mid-afternoon instead even though everyone thinks we are crazy for leaving “when it’s so hot.”

And in the interim we have 3 bars of 5G and so Maddie catches up on journaling (aka falls further behind due to her slothlike writing speed) and I go on Expedia and book a Tehachapi hotel and call Lily because I’m supposed to get interviewed by her for her queer class.

And then Maddie is yelling at me because an ancient gold minivan (“the shuttle”) is here to take people to the cafe oooo so I hang up on Lily and the van smooshed to the brim with hikers zooms us over to a cafe which is actually a tiny cramped gas station-esque store but it does have veggie burritos with beyond beef and plant based tuna packets that we get for dinner and chocolate and bars with which we supplement our now-meager food supply.

And then we’re back at Hiker Town and we decide we’ll leave after the lunch which is maybe pizza and beer. And Maddie journals and I talk to Sin Nombre and Dr. Grant who lived in China for 8 years and is super cool (I was correct) and also lived in Bushwick and East Village and Oregon. And the pizza comes but there’s not enough, the corporate people don’t realize how much hikers eat (also it’s from Pizza Hut?) and there is a weird hiker talent show where a guy drinks beer out of his dirty trail runner and someone wiggles her ears and a bearded guy keeps telling jokes in an Irish accent and someone sings the 50 nifty United States song but forgets multiple states including Nebraska (and people were supposed to cheer for their states but the only states that got cheers were California, Ohio ie just Maddie, and Wyoming because it’s last and people were cheering the performance). And I’m itching itching itching to go but Maddie wants to finish her journal entry which takes so so so so so so so long and obviously does not get finished.

And finally it is 2:00 and we are walking out way later than I wanted but at least we are getting out out out and everyone gives us weird, weird looks like are you dumb there’s going to be free shit here like steak and shrimp for dinner and it’s hot and you’re supposed to night hike the aqueduct but I stare right back at them because I’m vegetarian now (?) and I’ve had enough of Hiker Town that’s not a town and doesn’t have food except fancy meat from corporate so and sos and has too many people with cameras and high energy and I am ready to be back on trail and be done with the egregious number of miles we are supposed to be doing.

And truly it is not that hot because it’s windy and we walk through the dusty sandy valley next to more fences and private property and through someone’s farm and then we are walking along the aqueduct with the water flowing in a concrete rectangular channel forever off into the distance. And then we turn and are walking on top of a huge cylinder that also goes off forever into the distance (which unfortunately is where I believe we are going too, off forever into the distance) that I assume is carrying some of the water to wherever it goes. And then we decide walking on this rounded pipe thing with pokey bolts is not worth it even though I imagine we look really cool so we start walking onto the dirt road just beside it. And some cars pass and they’re probably thinking thank god I am in a car that goes speedy fast that looks fucking awful to walk on this dirt road forever which is too bad because usually I imagine people are jealous of us hiking all day in the pretty mountains while they are commuting to work or whatever.

And then we hit the one water spigot for the next 14 miles so we fill up and sit in the shade and eat our cold soaked food because as I mentioned the corporate people did not understand how much hikers eat and there was insufficient free food. And we have headaches and feel meh from the beer and chocolate and heat and the lethargy of the afternoon and maybe our cold soaked tabouleh grain will help? But it doesn’t really. And then our headaches get worse because we look at the map and finally do the math and realize that we have 19 miles to our intended campsite and it’s 4:30 and that means doing 20 min mile pace with no stops is 11PM arrival (and obviously no stops is a generous and entirely unrealistic assumption and it will be more like 1:00 or 1:30am). And then I wonder yet again why does everyone spend the whole day at Hiker Town and night hike and jeez how late does everyone hike if they all leave around 5 or 6pm (answer 3:30am as we found out the next day WTF). And I wish we left 3 hours earlier but alas at least it was an experience? Also to clarify, this night hiking thing would make sense to me if it was 100 degrees, sunny, and no wind, but in fact the weather was the same mid-70s as every other day and no one damages their sleep schedule any of the other days for weather and those days have hills and this is flat so hm, confused, but sometimes convention is irrational.

So we plod along and end up on a weird concrete road with weird square concrete blocks sticking out of the road every so often with random numbers and gushing water sounds and it’s all barren and sandy and scraggly bush as far as you can see except for the mountains in the distance and every now and then there’s a trailer or a small house or some junk metal or cows and Maddie says it’s like we are in the Scorch Trials (Maze Runner sequel for those who are not big dystopian people) and I wholly agree that it feels like we just walked ourselves right into the middle of some dystopian novel with the remnants of human civilization surrounding us and some sketchy government project below us contaminating the water.

And on and on we go and we play soccer with some large pebble rocks and have inane conversations because our brains are melting from the boredom of walking on a flat road in the hot forever and ever and we aren’t using our poles because it’s concrete but that’s giving me knee pain and shin splints. So I move onto the dirt part and then Maddie zooms ahead so I put headphones in to distract from the tedium of the desolate looking landscape that never changes and I listen to the new albums and songs that all our favorite bands just released (thank god we are hiking in early summer when everyone releases stuff and thank god everyone released stuff this year and thank god I had service and remembered to download new music in Hiker Town). And Sweet Pea falls behind because he stopped to cold soak and now Maddie decides to wait for me (I think she wanted alone time) and then I play this new music out loud for us (which is an absolutely EGREGIOUS violation of trail etiquette, really, the worst, but we’re on a road so it doesn’t count probably and also since everyone night hikes this section due to some unwritten hiker convention I don’t think anyone is near us now). But it’s windy and hard to hear the new stuff so then I play some old stuff and we have singalong and it’s fun and a beautiful distraction and makes me feel like we are on a road trip because this is what we do on road trips except it’s a walking road trip I suppose.

And then we sit in the middle of the road which is now a dirt road to start cold soaking our food and Sweet Pea catches up and starts eating his food. But of course despite the fact that it seems like we’re on an abandoned road in the middle of nowhere in a dystopian future where there shouldn’t be cars because the gas got used up in the mad hoarding rush post-catastrophe, some pickup truck comes rumbling around the corner and we have to gather up our stuff real quick and move to the brush on the side of the road so we don’t get run over.

And then we leave Sweet Pea behind again because he’s finishing his dinner and it’s starting to get dark and then we are engulfed by wind turbines which are kinda cute but also extra emphasize the dystopian-ness of the landscape so we turn off the music because it just feels weird to play out loud music in the dusky desolate landscape and we hike faster and faster because the impending darkness always makes you feel like you want to get to your site before it’s truly dark even though night hiking isn’t even actually scary and is part of the original plan and there’s a full moon so it’s not even going to get dark.

But we are hungry and we aren’t going to beat the dark so we sit in the middle of the road which is now concrete again somehow and eat our cold-soaked mac and cheese and vegan tuna and rice and beans which continues to feel dystopian and then it’s actually dark and the wind turbines are blinking their red lights in unison all around us and making that low humming noise that sounds like distant traffic and Sweet Pea catches up and his knees hurt so I hope maybe we will go less far tonight.

And we keep going in the dark and finally we see the bridge that goes over the stream where we’re supposed to refill water. But the water is a ways down so we shine our phone light around (why do we bother to carry headlamps when they’re always stuck deep in our bags) because there must be a path down the steep hill somewhere. And then we find it and we are filling up our water and I am wondering internally how much farther we are going to have to go tonight because it’s already almost 10:00 and I am tired and personally feel minimal need to go farther tonight because from where we are is 24ish miles to the road which is quite reasonable for tomorrow. But we know Sweet Pea wants to see his girlfriend tomorrow and thus get in early tomorrow and thus have less miles to do tomorrow so we ask him what he wants to do. And he thinks and thinks and waffles and waffles and generally takes forever to think about what he wants and how he feels and finally he says maybe he wants to just camp at this water source because his knees hurt and he is tired. And I think UGH MEN because they are exceptionally bad at communication and thinking about their emotions and admitting weakness and good god couldn’t he have figured this out hours ago in which case we could’ve efficiently moved ourselves here and set up tent in the light and then had dinner and filled water. But oh well at least we are stopping now that’s still a win. So we hop across the stream and smash our stakes into the super hard ground with rocks and it takes forever and finally finally we are in our tent and it’s bedtime and the rushing water noise is oh so peaceful and truly it’s a great site in the middle of this dystopia.