Day 20: Slow Fast Food, Still Fucking AWESOME

Silverwood Lake Campground (328.8) - Tentsite (347.2) | Mileage: 18.4 + 2.4 (From the PCT site to trail and detour to Subway and McDonald’s)

Spent the entire day SO INSANELY EXCITED about McDonald’s and Subway. Never thought I’d say that, never thought I could possibly be this hyped to get fast food, but quite simply I felt like a child at Christmas and that was that and it was awesome.

Woke up and the first thought I had was I can’t wait to get to Subway. Packed up the tent and all we talked about was how many miles it would be til we could get to McDonald’s (12ish in fact, in other words, we should be there by noon). Started walking and all we talked about was what we would order at Subway and if we should get 1 foot long per person or 2 (I strongly advocated for 2), and if we should get a coffee and an ice cream and fries at McDonald’s or if there was anything else we were forgetting.

Literally felt like we could not get there soon enough.

And luckily, for the most part, the miles went by pretty fast. Which was good because we NEEDED to be at the fast food ASAP or at least that was how it felt.

Started out with a gradually inclined rather lengthy climb up the sandy minimally shaded trail that was already baking in the sun, the sort of morning that usually would’ve been the demoralizing slog type of day. But we had beautiful views of the man-made dam-created lake that looked all serene and cool and oasis-y paradise island vibe. And also we called Abby which was a lovely distraction and had a relatively short but high energy conversation about the trail and New York and the rim-to-rim run in the Grand Canyon she was gonna do and she was on the train home and reminded us aggressively that it was Mother’s Day so we should call our mothers accordingly.

And then we passed two peppy older women that we’d seen getting dropped off at the road intersection who’d passed us when we stopped to sunscreen but we were talking to Abby at that point still so we’d had kinda an awkward half conversation and they’d carried on, chatting nonstop to each other at a volume that we could hear about eight curves before we re-passed them and which made me think ohhhh my is that what we sound like to everyone else???? Oops. And made me remember when someone was telling us about two annoying women who chatted and chatted and chatted all trail and I was like hm wonder if it’s us oh well.

And then we were off the hill and in the valley and it was hot and muggy and we met a couple with a 4 month old and all I could think was omg it’ll just keep getting heavier.

And then back up a hill and Maddie was sooo slow and grumpy. Fun fact she does not like hills and every time we go up one she gets grumpy and sad and is like Katie I’m in a bad mood and I’m like no duh its because you’re going up a hill and she’s like ooohhh right as if she forgot or didn’t notice and I’m like bro this happens every time how did this not occur to you as the reason for your sudden onset grumpiness but I guess she has short term memory loss as soon as she hits the hill or something that makes her unable to identify it as the source of her angst. And also this Maddie hill crisis is exacerbated when she is hungry, which is pretty much always. But she also seems to have short term memory loss around that, so I sit her down and make her have some protein powder instant coffee mix (which she doesn’t want to do because she doesn’t want to stop even though as always it will 100 percent revive her) and of course as always it does 100 percent revive her and we keep moving at normal hiking speed and happiness levels. And she’s all smiley and like yay buddy that worked so good and I make big eyes at her and say in a very patient voice yes buddy it always works this good don’t you remember that it worked just like this yesterday and the day before and the day before that and so on every single day since day one? And then she looks all sheepish and she’s like oh yes right right, which is what she always says. Silly Maddie.

Anyway finally the hill was over and then we were going down a beautiful downhill with cliffs and wildflowers and snowy mountains in the distance. And I was like huh this somehow does not match my mental image of a freeway McDonalds I hope it really exists.

But indeed it did exist and all of a sudden we are at a disused road next to the real freeway and it is loud and fast and yes those Golden Arches are there just a short ways ahead. And the old road we are on is what used to be Route 66 so there are info signs and some benches and of course Maddie being Maddie is reading EVERY SINGLE word on the lengthy historical sign in EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL SLOTHLIKE SLOWNESS and I am like omg get me to the food NOW. And she’s like no there are more signs and let’s take pictures and I am NOT HAVING IT. So I start zooming down the pavement knowing Maddie will follow me if I get far enough away. And she does and she catches me and we arrive at the McDonald’s. And we do a quick Google Maps and the Subway is on the other side of the freeway another half mile away but omg veggies in a sandwich from Subway never sounded this good so we decide to go there first and work our way backward.

So we cross the busy freeway exit with all the traffic coming out of L.A. and feel like superstars when all the four lanes of cars that were zooming patiently stop and wait for us and I can see all the drivers staring like wtf who are these people walking with backpacks this is car world. And someone rolls down their window and yells Happy Mother’s Day to us which is nice I think but also omg how much did the trail age us lol? These middle aged hiker clothes…

And then we’re at the Subway and it is in a gas station and we order two footlongs each with all the veggies. And the woman serving us is so sweet and so very precise in her veggie layering. Think like painstakingly laying out each individual cucumber slice exactly aligned with and the same distance away from the prior slice. Four times over. For every vegetable. And I appreciated the care, really, and maybe it didn’t even actually take that long but omg it felt like forever and all I wanted to do was eat that sandwich. And I did laps of the gas station and examined the chips and the candy bars and the fun drinks and I went to the bathroom and washed my hands and I came back and the vegetables were still being layered on, now at sandwich number two. And I did more laps and looked at the chips I hadn’t already looked at and looked at the same exact candy bars as if they were new. And then I stood in front of the counter again and stared and stared and stared as she finally finally finally finished layering the last sandwich.

And before my brain had even caught up I’d already paid and grabbed the sandwich and sat at the table by the gas station windows and eaten one entire half just like that. And then Maddie came back from washing her hands and I finished the entire other half of my sandwich number one. And then I sat aggressively eyeing Maddie’s sandwich as she slowly savored each bite and wondered if I should eat my second foot long. But I really wanted to save it for dinner. So then I considered buying another one. But three Subway sandwiches maybe is too many Subway sandwiches. So I did another lap around the gas station and bought jalapeño flavored chips and a coconut water and scarfed those down too. And another woman told me happy Mother’s Day!???? But then she did a double take look at me and was like ehhh never mind you look too young. I think the hiker clothes give off huge middle age vibes is my takeaway if everyone’s first impression of me is apparently mother?

And then we are off stopping traffic on the on ramp and across the bridge and stopping traffic on the off ramp and headed back to McDonalds for MORE FAST FOOD. And then we pass the guy with the fruit stand and we remember that we also want that. So Maddie gets us mango and pineapple slices in a large plastic cup and says yes to the lime squeeze and no to the chili and this is quite possibly the best fruit I have ever had in my entire life it’s like dessert but beautiful and tastes like absolute heaven.

And I don’t even really want McDonald’s ice cream anymore because how could it possibly compare to this amazing fruit. But. We are here and McDonalds is here and why not (except that Maddie is STILL scared of noro and there will be lots of hikers inside and public spaces but good lord when are we gonna be over this so we can make friends and be normal again) (also notably there were no hikers at Subway because obviously everyone prefers McDonald’s but McDonald’s doesn’t even have vegetarian fries like wut and the Subway sandwich veggies were defs way better than any McDonald’s meal tho in normal life I probs wouldn’t be excited about either but this is thru hiker life and things are different it seems lol).

So yeah anyway we sit outside on the sidewalk next to the McDonalds and finish our fruit and debate if we should go in. And then we compromise on we will go to the gas station to resupply a few more bars and fun snacks and decide if we are hungry for McDonald’s ice cream and coffee afterwards. So we do that and we’re still not super hungry but I still feel like I want it just because it’s there and when else are we gonna get this. So we compromise again that we will go in and order real fast and then go back to the sidewalk outside to eat it (to clarify, we are sitting on the sidewalk because a) Maddie doesn’t want to sit inside because she’s afraid of the norovirus, b) we’re not allowed to sit in the beautiful grass around the corner because Flo who just had noro is sitting there and might still be in her contagious two-day-after-symptoms period even though she seems cool and it would be nice to make friends, and c) no other thru hiker would be weird enough to choose the concrete sidewalk over the beautiful grass or actual AC tables so the chance of a diff potential noro hiker sitting near us is low). This is how Maddie’s brain works, apparently, and because I love her I entertain these imo very extreme measures and dutifully sit on the concrete sidewalk and endure the weird why tf are you sitting there looks from other hikers and remind myself at least it’s nice and shady and I like the outdoors.

And then Sweet Pea comes out and joins us and we all catch up on our journals and call our mothers and text our grandmothers and power through a McFlurry and a large iced coffee and generally just hang out on the concrete sidewalk for the entire afternoon. Which is a lovely place to spend one’s afternoon after all.

And finally it’s 4:00 and it’s cooling off and we stand up and try to get out of our fast food overload stupors because we do in fact have 6 more miles to hike to the water cache that is our tent site destination for the day. And unlike all the real world people who drove their speedy fast cars on the highway to this McDonald’s and will take 6 minutes to go 6 more miles down the highway to wherever they are headed, it will take up 2 more hours to walk our 6 miles and we would like to get to the site before dark because don’t forget!!! We have more subway sandwiches to eat.

But when we actually turn to start moving Maddie kicks over the tall boy that Sweet Pea bought for us that we were planning to drink at camp and somehow the smooth sidewalk manages to puncture a hole in the side and it starts spewing beer spray and we have to open it and drink it real quick. And I was already feeling overexploded and dehydrated from the coffee and the ice cream and the sandwich and the chips and the fruit and now I am feeling exponentially more like that and Maddie apparently feels like that too because she’s all like oooo my head hurts and I’m drunked uh ohhhhh and with that we are off, slowly, wobbly, back down the road.

So we start moving, slowly, and go through some mega long, dark, dank, tunnel under the interstate and then parse through some overgrown trash ridden tangle along the side of the underpass and definitely get off trail a bit or maybe the trail is wonky as it always seems to be near civilization. And then it looks like it should cross some train tracks but a train is very much in the way and zoooming by for ever and ever so we wait impatiently for the train to pass because obviously it is seriously inconveniencing us and really it should so clearly stop for us hikers because pedestrians always have the right of way. And then it’s gone and we cross those tracks and then we cross more and then we are back in the rolling hills that cascade into the distance and the wildflowers and the distant mountains and we walk along a ridge line and take pictures of the sun setting off in the distance behind the mountains.

And the 6 miles go by so fast. They’re actually enjoyable more like a stroll than a hike, even though it was a lot of steep uphill; but I guess that’s what happens when you have a lengthy break and are riding a fast food high. And we arrive at the tent site and snag a pretty private spot and sit on our tyvek across from Sweet Pea and unwrap our second subway sandwiches with glee. And of course, they are not as good as the first ones because they sat in a bag all day in the heat and got a bit smooshed by the stuff in my pack and a bit soggy from the oil and vinegar but they’re still fucking awesome and seem so fresh which probably says more about the dehydrated stuff we normally eat than the quality of Subway.

And then our day is over and we are in our tent feeling so great but also sad today is over and tomorrow is a normal hiking day with no fast food stops but also I think I am already fast fooded out so I guess that’s maybe okay idk.