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This morning Peanut climbed up into the loft of the shelter and surprised us as we were packing up for the day. It was a welcome reunion. When the day started I was feeling pretty down about a lot of things. For some reason I feel that I'm not growing enough out here. I set all these goals for what I wanted to work on, how I wanted to grow, etc. and I don't feel like they're happening yet. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have set any expectations.
In addition to the goal setting I'm feeling confused because I wanted to avoid having any feelings for anyone. I think the constant time spent around Blue is confusing for me. I'm not really sure how to suppress the feelings unless I break away from the group. I sat and talked with Peanut midday about this and shared some things from past relationships that I'd been carrying for years. She did a great job of helping me realize that we all struggle with these things and it's okay that I am too. I'm considering taking a break from the group until we reach Damascus. I'm thinking we can meet up somewhere and then hitch into Damascus together since we'll likely not make it in time for Trail Days. I just really need some time alone to reflect on all this.
Despite feeling down, the day ended up being amazing. We went over the Roan Highlands. I finally learned what a false summit is. The climbs were pretty brutal and just when I thought I'd reached the top I'd see another summit ahead. Regardless, it was absolutely beautiful. I passed the 400 mile mark before getting to camp. One thing I've been wanting to do is camp alone more often so I can feel comfortable with it. I'm finally doing it tonight. I'm camping just past the 400 mile mark next to a river. The group went on ahead of me. I hung my bear bag and sat by a fire for a while before climbing in my tent for the night.